


Glow-In-The-Dark Stars (Light the Way For Us)

by ant_king



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends to Lovers, Coming Out, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Sharing a Bed, Tsukishima Gets a Girlfriend, briefly lol, there's one argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26861776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ant_king/pseuds/ant_king
Summary: Ever since he and Tsukki put them up, Yamaguchi has told his secrets to the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. This means they get to watch as his relationship with Tsukishima develops.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 158





	Glow-In-The-Dark Stars (Light the Way For Us)

**Author's Note:**

> n e wayz i think it's,,, quite telling,, that all my recent fics have been tsukkiyama,,, no i won't elaborate on that,,
> 
> hope u like it!! <3
> 
> also pls pls pls remember to take care of urself :))

Yamaguchi lies on his bed, and stares up at the little plastic glow-in-the-dark stars that are stuck to his ceiling. They’ve been there for pretty much as long as he can remember, as any memories pre-stars are always shrouded in the haze of early childhood. He does, however, remember the day he put them up.

He got Tsukki to help him, one day after school, since Tsukki was, and still is, extremely tall. He remembers his mother, hovering anxiously as they used the stepladder to reach the ceiling, as even with Tsukki’s freakish height, they still couldn’t reach simply by standing on Yamaguchi’s bed. Yamaguchi had been too scared to climb the stepladder back then, so he held it steady as Tsukki climbed it, with fistfuls of stars. He stuck them on randomly, and pretty haphazardly, but Yamaguchi was thrilled to bits with their appearance. 

Once Tsukki climbed down the stepladder, back to the safety of Yamaguchi’s bedroom floor, he revealed that he still had a few stars left in his hand. He peeled the plastic off the back of them, and stuck a few onto Yamaguchi’s face. He told him that his freckles reminded him of the stars, so it was fitting. They had to take them off pretty quickly, before they would hurt to take off, but Yamaguchi just felt  _ so happy _ . They then turned the lights off and watched with glee (stifled glee on Tsukishima’s part) as the stars bathed the room in their greenish glow. It remains one of Yamaguchi’s favourite memories. 

He looks up at them now, a small smile tugging at his lips. Ever since middle school, the stars had become his confidant, every time he had something that he just  _ couldn’t _ tell anyone else, not even Tsukki, he turned his face to the little green stars, and told them his secrets. The stars are always patient listeners, as they physically can’t get bored of him, due to being plastic. It also feels easier to whisper his secrets to them, in the dead of night, where the only light available is their eerie glow. 

Today is just one of  _ those  _ days, where everything piles up, and he feels like he can’t tell anyone because some of his issues are just  _ too _ personal. 

The first time he ever shared a secret with the stars was in his last year of middle school. He rushed home from school, at a speed that completely bemused Tsukki, and threw himself onto his bed. After a few minutes waiting to make sure nobody would pass by his room and hear him, he looked up at the stars on his ceiling. It couldn’t hurt, he figured, to confide in some inanimate objects who would never tell anyone else what he told them. So, with his voice trembling, and his fingers coiling around each other with nerves, he whispered upwards. 

“I think I’m gay.” 

In some small way, it felt like the stars were proud of him. It’s not like they said anything back, like “I’m proud of you Tadashi!” or “Thank you for telling me!”, but they still glowed down at him the same way as before, in a way reminding him that nothing had really changed.

Back in the present, Yamaguchi exhales deeply. Over time, his confessions have become longer, and longer, as he feels the need to explain himself more, or if he needs a way to work through his own tangled thoughts. It is now more appropriate to call them rants, or tirades. Gone are the days of speaking a single secret into existence, and ignoring the consequences. Now, it feels like everything has linked up to form an ugly jigsaw puzzle, one that he puts together every night with the stars as his witness. With another sigh that seeps into his bones, he begins his spiel. “I just feel like such a horrible person…” 

But, in order for the stars to understand his point of view, he must bring up an old secret, one from the start of his first year at Karasuno. 

All of the first years from the volleyball team were at the park together. It had taken a lot of wheedling to convince Tsukishima to even  _ think _ about coming with them, but miraculously, he’d agreed. They had been sitting in some kind of loose circle, with Yamaguchi directly across from Tsukishima. About an hour into their outing, he realised with horror that he had no idea who was even sitting either side of Tsukki, so captivated he’d been by the blond boy in front of him. He then cracked some kind of joke, as a weak attempt to prove that he was paying attention, and Tsukki hid a snicker behind his hand. It was that elation that came from the realisation that he’d made  _ Tsukki,  _ of all people,  _ laugh _ , that made him realise that he was in love with him. 

He then realised that this was something he couldn’t tell Tsukki, just like how he couldn’t tell him he was gay. This was another secret for the stars.

That night, when he was sure that the rest of his family were asleep, he lay on his back, and allowed the pleasant glow of the stars to wash over his tired face. Slowly, and shakily, he whispered out. “I’m in love with Tsukki.”

The stars said nothing, again, and he allowed warm tears to make their way down his face. Their unchanging nature was comforting, since it felt like he’d changed so much from the young boy who held the ladder as Tsukki stuck the stars to the ceiling. 

He grimaces in the dark as he remembers that day, and he repeats his earlier statement. 

“I just feel like such a horrible person!” He whispers as loud as he dares, and runs a hand through his hair. The stars simply glow at him, which is the best they can do. “Tsukki is my  _ best friend _ ! He’s always, well maybe not  _ always _ ,” he amends hastily. “Nice to me! And he tells me all these things about him! And how do I repay him? By having stupid, weird  _ feelings _ for him!” Yamaguchi throws a pillow up towards the stars, as if they’re the ones responsible for this. “I dunno, it feels like I’m taking advantage of his trust or something!”

The stars simply watch as he gestures with his hands in order to articulate his point. They are but a passive bystander to the trainwreck that is the life of Yamaguchi Tadashi. He continues on, not quite finished with this particular spiel.

“And no, I won’t ever tell him how I feel.” He speaks as if the stars have responded to him, or like they are a captive audience, waiting to hear what he has to say. “Then, he would think I’m weird, and we’d stop being friends. I’ve said this before. I value my friendship with Tsukki more than I feel the need to confess to him.” 

The glowing stars have heard so much about Tsukishima Kei over the years. They almost know as much about him as they do about Yamaguchi himself. 

When speaking to the stars after he went to bed became a common occurrence, he talked about Tsukki an embarrassing amount. He would lie on his back, and dreamily whisper things like “Tsukki is so cool!” or “Today, me and Tsukki went to the cinema. We watched a horror movie and he wasn’t even scared!”. He spoke about Tsukki so often, and so reverently that he was sure the stars knew he liked him before even he did. 

When they joined Karasuno high school, girls started to notice Tsukishima more often, and Yamaguchi would go home and angrily whisper exactly what he thought about that to the stars. It was shortly after this that he realised he had feelings for Tsukishima. The stars heard all about how he desperately wished he was prettier, like the girls who got to confess to Tsukishima so freely, or how he felt like he was holding Tsukki back somehow, since for reasons unknown, Tsukishima turned down every single girl who asked him out. 

However, it wasn’t just secrets whispered for them only that the stars bear witness to. Over the years, they watched every interaction between Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, an impartial observer to their relationship. The stars knew them best. They knew how whenever they studied together, their knees always brushed, even though there was plenty of room for them to sit apart, or how many times they fell asleep together on Yamaguchi’s bed, after watching one of the dinosaur documentaries that Tsukishima liked, the spare mattress on the floor forgotten in favour of their tired limbs curled into each other. Yamaguchi wished he had their unbiased view of his and Tsukki’s friendship. Perhaps then he would know what to do.

Back in the present, Yamaguchi falls silent. The stars have provided him no answer to his question. He decides he should sleep it off. It’s what he always does when he doesn’t know what to do. 

The next day, he brings Tsukki home with him, an occurrence that the stars are well used to by now. They watch from overhead as Tsukishima turns to Yamaguchi without warning. His voice is grave, as if he knows that his words will upset Yamaguchi.

“I- er, I have a girlfriend now.” He stutters out, and the words seem so alien to Yamaguchi. His stomach grows cold, and he struggles to find any appropriate words. 

After a pause, he grins widely, and it’s just as plastic as the stars above him, and he’s sure that Tsukishima knows that, but it’s all he can do. “That’s great Tsukki! Who is she? What’s she like?” He prompts Tsukishima to talk, even though he desperately wants to know nothing about this girl, since it’s so much easier to hate someone he doesn’t know, but he has to let Tsukki do the talking, or else his facade of happiness might start to slip. 

“She’s in class B, so I don’t think you know her-” And at that, Yamaguchi tunes out. He nods in all the right places, but he doesn’t really hear a word that Tsukki says. He has a  _ girlfriend _ . His heart mourns. He has a girlfriend, and he’ll never like  _ you _ . 

Eventually, after one of the most painful hours of Yamaguchi’s life, Tsukki leaves, and he allows himself to cry. There’s only the stars to see him now. And they don’t care if he cries. He realises that this whole time, ever since he first realised he liked Tsukki, he’s been holding on to the distant hope that he had a chance. After all, Tsukishima turned down every girl brave enough to approach him, so there was still the possibility of Tsukki liking Yamaguchi back. He feels like an idiot for building his hopes up like that, just to be dashed inevitably. 

The next day, even though his eyes are still puffy from crying over his unrequited feelings, he decides that he has to do  _ something _ to get over Tsukishima. He pulls out his phone. 

_ yamaguchi: hey hey are u free after school today?? :0 _

_ terushima: i am lol _

_ terushima: why?? _

_ yamaguchi: i was wondering if u wanted to come over _

_ yamaguchi: it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other irl yk?? _

_ terushima: sure!! i’ll be there as soon as i can after school! _

Perhaps hanging out with someone other than Tsukki is a good idea. Every time he sees his best friend he’s filled with an unbearable sense of loss.

The school day passes quickly, and he only feels moderately queasy as he sees Tsukishima go off to eat lunch with his new girlfriend. However, unfortunately for him, his friends, Yachi in particular, notice, and they make it their mission to shoot him sympathetic glances when they think he isn’t looking, and to share meaningful looks with each other. He wishes they’d stop. 

Eventually he gets home, and he just has enough time to change into an outfit that is moderately more respectable than his school uniform, before there’s a knock at the door. He scrambles to answer it, because he doesn’t feel like explaining to his parents why the blond at their door  _ isn’t  _ Tsukki, like they’ve come to expect. 

Ever since they first played Johzenji, Yamaguchi kept in touch with Terushima, probably because he was so easy to talk to, and they formed a sort of loose friendship based mostly over text, where they met up occasionally, but not often.

They make their way up to Yamaguchi’s room, and they soon fall into an easy rhythm of conversation. He steers firmly away from the topic of Tsukki, though, as the whole reason he invited Terushima over was to try and forget about his friend, even if it was only for a few minutes. There’s a lull in their conversation after Terushima finishes the, quite frankly hilarious, story about the time one of his teammates got stuck inside the penguin enclosure on a class trip to the zoo. Just as Yamaguchi is thinking of something else to say, Terushima breaks the silence, tentatively. 

Yamaguchi is immediately on alert, as  _ tentative _ is not a word often used to describe Terushima. 

“Say, Yamaguchi. Have you ever wondered what it’s like to kiss a boy?” 

Yamaguchi had  _ not _ been expecting that. He wonders for a second if he should be honest. The truth is he’s thought extensively about kissing a boy, that boy being Tsukishima. He didn’t really have enough time between realising he liked boys, and realising he liked Tsukishima, to think about the concept of boys as a whole. 

“Why do you ask?” It’s not exactly a  _ no _ , but it’s a safe answer.

Terushima shrugs. “I was just wondering.” He seems to steel himself for a moment. “So, like, can I kiss you? It wouldn’t mean anything, I just-”

Yamaguchi takes one look at the stars above his bed, and promptly decides that if there’s any way to get over Tsukishima, this is probably it. He leans forward, and cuts Terushima off by connecting their lips. He is perhaps motivated by spite. If he kisses Terushima, then his first kiss is one important memory that is completely Tsukki-less. It means that he doesn’t rely on Tsukki to move forward. He doesn’t  _ need  _ him. A needling voice in the back of his head tells him that this is a lie.

Thankfully, Terushima is definitely experienced at kissing, and Yamaguchi allows him to take the lead. After a while, they separate. The kiss was definitely fun, but it’s a painful reminder that he’d much rather kiss Tsukki. 

“Well, that was fun, but-” Terushima starts.

“But you like someone else? Same.” Yamaguchi sighs. 

“Let me guess. Is it that  _ Tsukki _ you’re always talking about?” Terushima smirks. 

“I do not always talk about him!” Yamaguchi flushes.

“So it is him!” 

“Yeah.” Yamaguchi sighs. “Am I that obvious?”

“Yamaguchi. You look at him like he hung the fucking moon.”

“Maybe not the moon, but the stars, yeah.” Yamaguchi spares a glance at his ceiling.

“You’re weird.” Terushima laughs, and they go back to idly chatting about school, or friends. The atmosphere isn’t awkward at all, since there were no actual feelings involved in the kiss, and Terushima goes home, promising to text him when he gets there. 

Yamaguchi tips his head back, and glares at his stars. They probably think he’s a massive hypocrite, going on and on about Tsukki every chance he got, just to kiss Terushima instead. He raises his middle finger at them. He feels a little hollow at the thought that he can’t tell Tsukki about his first kiss, since that means telling Tsukki he’s gay, which is something he still isn’t ready for. 

A few weeks later, Tsukishima comes over to Yamaguchi’s house after school, something that the stars haven’t seen happen in a while. He seems sombre, just like the last time he came over, when he told Yamaguchi about his girlfriend. 

“So, what is it?” Yamaguchi doesn’t mean to sound so harsh. He guesses this is the result of spending more time with Terushima. He’s become more confrontational. To be honest, he’s kind of annoyed by Tsukki showing up to his house all mopey, as if he can just use Yamaguchi as a therapist whenever he pleases. He pictures a small version of Terushima egging him on. 

“I broke up with my girlfriend.” Tsukishima looks down at his feet. 

“Good for you.” Yamaguchi says, shortly and sarcastically. 

Yamaguchi sees a flash of hurt cross Tsukishima’s face for just a second, before it returns to it’s permanent neutral state. “What’s your problem?” He asks, because unlike Yamaguchi, Tsukishima has never shied away from a fight.

“My problem,  _ Tsukki _ , is that you seem to think it’s okay to just ditch me for your girlfriend, and then to turn back around and use me as your fucking therapist!” Yamaguchi runs a hand through his hair frantically. 

“I- I never meant to  _ ditch _ you or anything…” Tsukishima murmurs, stunned by Yamaguchi fighting back. 

“Yeah? Well did you know I had my first kiss a couple of weeks ago? Of course you didn’t! You were too busy with your stupid girlfriend to spend any time with me!” Okay, maybe he’s being just a little bit jealous, and petty, but he does feel a sense of grim satisfaction at the shocked look on Tsukishima’s face. All his earlier fears about coming out to Tsukishima didn’t even occur to him in the moment.

“You… what?” Tsukishima’s voice is barely a whisper. And then he starts crying, and Yamaguchi feels  _ awful _ . “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Tadashi.” 

The way that Tsukki, that  _ Kei _ , says his name is so vulnerable, so upset, that Yamaguchi bends down to be level with him. 

“No, I’m sorry. I was being petty. You came here because you were upset, and I just made it worse.” Yamaguchi is on the verge of tears now. Ever since they were little, they’ve always cried together. When one starts, the other is sure to follow shortly after. 

“Don’t you apologise!” Kei lets out a strangled laugh. “Let me do it properly.”

“Okay, Kei.” Yamaguchi worries briefly about using Tsukishima’s first name, but he reasons that Kei called him his, so he must be okay with it.

“I’m sorry that I ignored you for my girlfriend. That was a dick move, so I apologise. I’m also sorry that I didn’t check in with you. I know how milestones like your first kiss and stuff are important to you, so, can you forgive me?”

Kei peers up at him through his glasses. It’s not often that he’s the one having to look up.

“Yeah, I can forgive you, but you have to tell me what happened with your girlfriend.” Yamaguchi smiles. 

“Okay, but you have to tell me about the kiss after. Deal?”

Yamaguchi’s blood freezes in his veins as he’s reminded that he effectively outed himself in the middle of an argument. God, he can be such an idiot sometimes. 

“Deal.” He agrees nonetheless, deciding that if there ever was a time to do this, it may as well be now. 

“Okay, well, I broke up with my girlfriend because I realised I didn’t really like her.” Kei pushes up his glasses, even though they weren’t slipping. It’s a nervous habit he’s had pretty much ever since he got glasses when they were kids.

“Why not? What was wrong with her?” Yamaguchi asks, a little bluntly. He’d just assumed that Kei was enthusiastic about having a girlfriend. Well, as enthusiastic as Kei ever got, which wasn’t much.

Kei swallows. “Uh, she was a girl?” It ends up being more of a question, but Yamaguchi understands his meaning entirely. It suddenly feels like the room is spinning on its y axis, and the glow-in-the-dark stars are underneath him, and his bed is on the ceiling. The endless spinning creates a loud roaring in his ears.

Over the confusion, he chokes out a “What?”

“I’m gay, Tadashi.” Kei is now craning his neck to look up at the stars on the ceiling, presumably so he doesn’t have to look Yamaguchi in the eye.

“Okay.” Is all he says. It’s all he can say, really.

“So, tell me about that kiss of yours.” Kei latches onto the first available change in topic. 

Yamaguchi realises that he doesn’t have to be so afraid. Kei is the same as him, he won’t shun Yamaguchi, or end their friendship over this. Still, there’s something about recounting the kiss to Kei that’s fundamentally  _ embarrassing _ . “It was, er, with the Johzenji captain.”

He blurts the words out like he can’t utter them fast enough, and then watches in real time as Kei catches up. “You mean the tongue piercing guy?” He asks, somewhat incredulously. 

“Yeah. That guy.” He blushes deeply at the  _ look _ on Kei’s face. 

“So you’re?” Kei asks, gesturing vaguely.

“Gay? Yeah.” He could almost cry with relief. Kei  _ knows _ now, and he doesn’t hate Yamaguchi! He no longer needs to whisper about this to his ceiling in the dead of night, because he can just  _ tell Kei!  _

“So are you and tongue piercing dating now?” There’s an unidentifiable edge to Kei’s voice, that Yamaguchi doesn’t quite understand.

“Oh god no! It was just a platonic kiss!” He waves his hands frantically.

“A platonic… kiss?” Kei raises an eyebrow. 

“Well, Terushima wanted to know what it was like to kiss a guy, and I wanted to know what kissing was like, so we just… kissed.”

“Oh. Okay.” Kei nods. 

Their relationship pretty much goes back to normal, the only difference being that the plastic stars hear much less from Yamaguchi, about being gay at least. He pretty much doubles down on rants about Kei, saying things like:

“He’s just so pretty oh my  _ god _ .”

“The way he calls me  _ Tadashi _ now, and the way he lets me call him Kei!” 

“Should I just confess to him? No, that’s a bad idea, think about the consequences, Tadashi. But maybe fuck the consequences? He might say yes? Ugh no he won’t-”

It is unsurprising that the most pivotal moment in their relationship happens under those same stars. It’s a few weeks later, and it’s a Friday. They had been studying together in Yamaguchi’s room, and as it grew darker, they decided that Kei should just sleep over. 

Yamaguchi’s mum brings in the guest sleeping mat, but they don’t even move to unroll it. Even though it’s slightly uncomfortable, they both prefer sharing Yamaguchi’s bed, even though neither of them would admit it. 

After a few minutes, when they’re comfortably settled into the small bed together, Kei speaks up. Yamaguchi can barely see him even though they’re so close, since his only light source is the stars above them. 

“Tadashi,” He pauses, as if he is thinking of what to say next. “I like you.”

His breath tickles Yamaguchi’s face, and he has to take a minute for understanding to dawn. 

“You like me?” He asks, trying to keep his voice steady. He might have misunderstood Kei. 

“Yeah, like, as more than a friend.” Yamaguchi can almost  _ hear _ the blush in Kei’s voice. 

“I like you as more than a friend too.” Yamaguchi whispers. Clumsily, Kei leans forward to kiss him. Since the light is so poor, he misses Yamaguchi’s lips at first, and Yamaguchi has to meet him halfway. They finally kiss, and, no offence to Terushima, this is so much better than Yamaguchi’s first kiss. They stay like that for a while, until the need to breathe properly pulls them apart. 

Eventually, tiredness overcomes them, and they fall asleep, Kei’s arm wrapped tightly around Yamaguchi’s waist. 

The stars that have watched over them for so long seem to glow a little brighter, as if they know that their job is done.

**Author's Note:**

> well that's it!! hopefully u enjoyed it :)
> 
> feel free to leave kudos or a comment!! (I'll try my best to respond if u do haha)
> 
> thanks for reading! <3


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